Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
