Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
