so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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