She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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