I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
