So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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