So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
