mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
