I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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