I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
