So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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