I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
