why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
