I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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