Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
