I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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