I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
