My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
