I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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