When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
