just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
