I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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