Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's like iHOP with fire
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
