Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
