I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
