I just pynch a tree in the face
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish you could order shots online.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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