Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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