no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
