Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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