She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
