Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
