in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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