Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We talked him into tasing himself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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