Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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