If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
