$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
