Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i will never coherently bang her
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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