WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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