Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im part way to drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
