to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
