my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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