It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
