I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
