There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
