it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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