We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
