I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
