There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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