I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
