She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
