peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
