Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
