Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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