fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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