question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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