its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
