If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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