I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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