So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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