This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
