So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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