I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
