drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
