I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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