I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
...so i touched it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
