That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
