where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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