and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
