I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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