my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
