The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
