you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
