Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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