at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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