He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
